to be young

today's been pretty weird
i wish me and zoe were friends
this is the longest we've ever gone without talking or being together
i think the last time we saw each other was octob
crazzzzzzzzz
frick
i just know if we could hang out she'd remember why we were ever friends
(for ten years)
damn dude
thats just way too long to give it up for no good reason
i really do miss her

justmaintainin

lets kick it.
LJ style
comment that bad boy.

hoewiththaweave: Ijust got an image of you doing me with a strap on
hoewiththaweave: OMG
hoewiththaweave: so
hoewiththaweave: today in school
Ipecac Pancakes: thats a pretty hot image
hoewiththaweave: I wanted to see how many people I could walk up to and ask to spank me before someone said "umm, no thanks"
hoewiththaweave: and I got to 46
Ipecac Pancakes: 1. that's so mlc
2. holy crap
3. i bet your ass hurt
4. i bet you liked it
hoewiththaweave: lmoa
hoewiththaweave: 1. YES
hoewiththaweave: 2. I KNOW!
hoewiththaweave: 3. It did..
hoewiththaweave: 4. yeah, a little..

I love this kid. Top three guy friends, right there.
1. Noah
2. Ethan
3. Jared

I'm pretty fucking lonely
after my breakdown on thursday it's all I can think about
I'm trying to give up this crush
it's a waste of energy

packing is going slowly

it's unseasonably cold

I want to go out.

hey now, I'm an all star

haha!

So tonight I took a chance and played poker with billy and his friends. I didn't even have the money to buy in, so I borrowed it. They rented a ufc fight on PPV and we settled in to play. Pretty soon Chris Nukala showed up (<3 I missed him SO much!) and we all were having a good time. BAM I take my mom out. Then goes Billy. I'm pretty much high stacked. The night continues and it comes down to me, Jessy and LJ. I was short stacked major but LJ went all in and lost. I agreed to quit then (because we'd been playing for like.. four hours) and take second place. So I won 25 dollars. I gave Billy back the 15 he lent me to play, and the moral of the story is I am damn good at poker and I have ten dollars.

This story is so much richer if you've ever been over to my house. My mom plays online poker every moment of the day. And those guys all play at least once a week.

And Jessy gave me a hug.

Today was a good day.

orientation was okay
I filled out 8,000 pounds of paperwork
and I think I did my W4 wrong. uhhh...
ANYWAY
The whole thing took about an hour and I got my uniform
vomit
go into a burger king and you'll understand my dismay
I have to wear a VISOR
anyway
I work thursday, friday and saturday. but the saturday shift is only until 3pm so i can go out and have fun (by fun i mean packing and moving) afterwards.

I wasn't asked to clock in or fill out a time sheet so I'm pretty sure I didn't get paid for it. Oh well.

Today--I pack.

i got a job!
at fucking burger king, but it's a job!
i am so happy
tomorrow i have orientation
now i'm glad i didn't go anywhere tonight

eeee im so happy

lost was amazing.
and i totally predicted Jordin would win American Idol.
STFU. yes i did.

oh so i'm failing econ.
fuck THAT

kitty cuddles. goodnight.

raaaaaaaah
hahaha
some people are just dumb bitches

Today I went to Grant and talked to Mr. Lane. He said theres a good chance I'll be able to direct a one act. Oh I hope so *crosses fingers*.
Then I hung out with Alley and Kaitlyn.
The three of us went to the mall, and I grabbed some applications. After they left I got a bunch more and get this--I got an INTERVIEW!! Okay, so it's a Burger King but what the hell, I need a fucking job. I sort of got an interview at BJ's too. But I'm not sure : /
Then I went home, and mom informed me we got a house!
It's on 60th and Killingsworth, and the 72 stop is literally right outside my front door. We drove past the house. It's nice. The bedrooms are small but we'll figure it out. Pat might be moving in with us so that'll be cool.
We got McDicks and my brother invited a ton of his friends over. Theres like eight guys downstairs playing poker. Including Jessy and LJ. Ooh la la. (now if only it were strip poker)

commentary while billy beats the crap out of the cat...
"i need a jack johnson song or something..."

hahahahahhaahahaah

today was good.
my entire body is sore for no reason.
I'm hungry.

last night was very interesting.
I got smashed with a bunch of Mary-Jane's friends. I'd met a couple of them but I really wasn't familiar with them until last night. We went park hopping, and Emma encouraged me to drink. So I drank.
At park number three (Edwards) I felt really fucked up. Like lonely and mopey and left out. I hate being like that, so I forced myself to hang out. There were many good discussions, but it felt like "relationships" were the theme of the evening. (I like you, he likes her, I used to like him, tra la la). One boy there was especially cute and I was not above fooling around with him. So I put it in place. His sister encouraged me but Mary-Jane advised against it. I talked to him anyway. He seemed to flirt back. But of course, we got to talking about relationships. Which made me lonely as hell for Ethan so I retreated into the dark to make a phone call.
riiiiiiiing
"Hello?"
"Heyy"
"How's it going"
"Great"
"Cool"
"I didn't wake you?"
"No."
"Okay. Well Goodnight"
"Wait, why did you call?"
"I was just wondering something.."
"Yeah? What?"
"You could never see me, like... that way, right?"
"Wait what?"
"As a girl. You don't see me as a girl, right?"
"Thats kind of a weird question."
"I mean--you'd never date me right?"
"Right. I mean No I wouldn't"
"Good. kay bye!"

and of course another phone call followed that. but I feel so sick to my stomach over it I wont bother relaying it.
So we went back to Ian (the cute boy)'s house and I crashed out almost immediately. I woke up at seven feeling achey and still drunk as hell. I peed and tried to sleep it off. Ian woke us up at 10:30 and we went to breakfast. It was delicious and fun. They seemed to like me. I'm glad.
The second I got home my phone rang. It was ethan. we talked for like twenty minutes but he never mentioned me calling him last night. that kind of weirds me out. maybe he knew i was drunk. anyway he wants to hang out sometime and i cant help but wanting to see him.
i went upstairs and passed out part two. it was great.

vom.it.
why does his 'online now' sign blinking make me swoon?

i am such a goddamn teenager.

oh god this hurts so bad
he must know

i'll try and keep it to myself
i figure i should spend as much time with him
and enjoy his company
and pretend maybe we have something
before i ruin it with my confession
after that
he can go away forever
i don't want him to
but i wont stop him

being a teenager is the world series of baseball season
its the part you look forward to
you make bets on how it's going to be
and you remember it fondly when it's gone